LEO from the Dancing Zodiac by AquaSixio, aquasixio.deviantart.com
I Danced Like I Used to Dance
Last night, I got to dance like I did when I was younger. Before I gained the extra weight before I became self-conscious before I became aware of the fact that you can even feel bad about your body. I danced like no one was there.
I haven’t gotten to dance like that in over a decade. My heart was light, my feet were light and most importantly my heart was finally light. It was only for about an hour, or two, but that’s not the point. The point is, that for the first time in a decade my heart didn’t have pain in it.
Almost exactly ten years ago, my grandfather passed away suddenly, a fact that tore my heart in two and left a gigantic hole in my family. Although biologically he was my grandfather, he acted more like a father than my actual father ever has. I’ve missed him like crazy the last ten years, and I’m going to continue missing him. But last night, just for a moment, I didn’t feel the pain, for a moment I got to just be in that moment, and truly be happy.
I couldn’t stop. I danced until my leg cramped because I haven’t been that energetic in a long while. and I definitely didn’t have enough water in my system, but that’s not the point. The point of this is that although I will always love, remember and miss my fantastic grandfather, Val Conway, instead of being devastated, I might just get the option to carry him with me. To love him but not to let that love hold me back from life.
I like to believe that he would be proud of me today. I like to think that he would be proud of me for doing so well in my leaving cert, for getting into my first choice of college courses, and for staying in college and doing as well as I have been, despite all the family drama. I like to think that he would approve of my boyfriend because he is honestly the love of my life (and yes I’m aware that I’m still young and this could all change, but I really hope it won’t).
Maybe I’m overthinking all of this, and if so I’m sorry you’ve had to read this, but last night was the closest to carefree I’ve been in such a long time, and I just badly wanted to write about it.
So, if you’re still reading this, I commend you. If you’ve just skipped to the bottom to see if I had a point, I don’t blame you. Either way, I hope you get to feel the joy I did as I danced last night at some point soon because we all deserve to feel happy in our lives, as often as possible.
Wishing you love and happiness,